Project Runway — We're Not in Kansas Anymore
Project Runway 4 is in full swing but I'm just not feeling it this season. Could it be that it has become—and one hesitates to use the word—formulaic? There have been some interesting challenges but total snoozers as well. Isn't B-O-R-I-N-G one of THE cardinal sins for the judges? Plus I think the producers purposefully chose nutbars for color interest...but not necessarily to the benefit of design. Its hard to believe Elisa could've made the cut during the nationwide search but there she was, measuring her fabric with spit marks and churning out one incomprehensible outfit after another. Hold the phone: just before she was auf'd, Elisa confided her tragic but inspiring story of being hit by a Porsche, coming out of a coma (or was it a severe head laceration?), and getting on with her life damaged but triumphant. What the audience should feel at this point is anger at being manipulated. Week after week, Elisa has been "lucky enough" to avoid the chopping block and her wackiness has been emphasized to the max but when the end is in sight, we're supposed to feel like crap for lacking compassion. Bah.
Sweet P is another fish out of water although PR4 would have you believe in her design ability after making her the (hullo: obvious) almost-winner for her "iconic" denim dress—the one she somehow salvaged from being a patchwork 60's nightmare after Tim's cutting comments. We get it that the show doesn't turn away anyone based solely on their lack of background, skills or design sense; no one is more of an antithesis to haute couture than Sweet P with her tats and matronly cleavage (neither of which really needs to be seen on cable TV). But I guess what's really making me a crankypants is the lack of finesse and good judgment on the part of the producers. Yes, we understand that these so-called reality shows are anything but and there's a lot of scripted activity going on HOWEVER we really ain't that stoopid. So give us some meat on the bones instead of trying to play with people's minds...flip-flopping from good to bad guy, good to bad designer, good to bad teammate week to week is pathetic. And tiring. And B-O-R-I-N-G.
Here's what has actually salvaged the season for me: I have to watch the show in order to appreciate Beth Spotwood's reviews. Some highlights, s'il-vous plaît...
- ...and my mother and I settled in with our Chardonnay for another hour of heaven. Nothing says mother/daughter bonding like gay reality television.
- Jesus Christ. Clothes out of candy? What will they think of next? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if ProRun's producers made the designers steal a hobo cart from a bum and use its contents to create an Oscar gown for Cate Blanchett.
- Victorya and her constant frown created a ruffled monstrosity that neither my mother not I could understand. I'm sorry. I didn't realize the assignment was to make a Quinceanera dress. Tim is really mastering the one liners lately. In all seriousness, he actually announced to Victorya that her garment "looks like a coffee filter or a maxi pad." Fabulous!
- Chris March's design, while perfectly lovely for an episode of Dynasty, is very reminiscent of Austin Scarlett meets Louis B. Mayer. Unless Jersey prom involves some monologue in a Southern drawl, preferably atop a Baby Grand, I'm not getting it. - Kevin, our token straight, keeps working on his Forever 21 looking red halter dress. I'm less concerned with the dress than I am with Kevin's facial hair. If he wants to display how straight he is, Kevin might want to stay away from Backstreet Boy precision beard. I mean, really.
- Speaking of which, now that I know Rami is gay, he just gets gayer and gayer to me. The homo floodgates have opened and Rami is suddenly flaming.
- Victorya, who annoys me as the spelling of her name does, did a fabulous job, deemed by Nina "appropriate." Nina seemed to be very concerned about the appropriateness of designs for 17 year old girls. Hmmmm, interesting. Crack open an Elle and you can see 17 year old covering her boobs with her pinkies. FYI.
- But the models are slightly important to this challenge as each of them has a different wacky hair-do and the designers must design an avant garde ensemble based on Mohawks, dreadlocks and beehives. Back in the workroom, the greatest man alive, Tim Gunn explains that avant garde means ambitious and crazy couture. No need, Tim. Elisa is gone. You don't have to explain how clocks works or doors open anymore.
- A trend started by Tim, all of the designers now scream "THANK YOU MOOOOOD!" upon leaving. They must drive the other shoppers, not to mention the staff, crazy but I love it. Isn't there some club somewhere around here called Mood? I want to go so I can scream "Thank you MOOD!" and watch all the gays be like, "Project Runway! Love it!" - Rami is obviously the team leader and spends this whole episode talking to Sweet P like she's retarded. At first, I thought Rami was being kinda mean, but then I realized Sweet P IS retarded. So nice call on that one, Rami. Sweet P is too old to wander around saying "Man!" and "Dude!" all the time. She's like Spicoli's mom and she needs to snap out of it.
- Tim takes the designers on a mysterious field trip to...gasp! A burrow! It's fabulous to see Tim shoved in a minivan with everyone, acting like he rides around in minivans all the time.
- Ricky announces that he loves to work with denim and sometimes, he even makes his own hats out of denim. Ah, that explains a lot. I was wondering from which tranny store he purchased his hideous hat collection. He makes them. Of course.
- Much to my delight, Chris and Crazyhair get in a fight over how to get Stupid P.'s foot dirt out of denim, officially making it the gayest fight of all time. Crazyhair is starting to drive everyone crazy, appropriately enough, prompting Rami to declare, "If I had hair on my head, I'd want to tear it out." Bald jokes! Love it!
- Approaching Stupid P, Tim takes one look at her patchwork denim wedding dress and says it looks like something from the "Happy Hands at Home Granny Circle."Where, oh where does he come up with these gems?
So I guess I've switched my allegiance from treasuring the actual Project Runway show to devouring the review by Beth Spotswood following each episode...she's a GENIUS. Go to SFGate and type in "Project Runway" to catch all of her columns.
OMG, HIL-arious!
my new Viking Portable Induction Cooker: 
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