LaurenKaz's Xanga Site

April 11, 2008

Battlestar Galactica...the end is in sight and boy, its lookin' GOOD
For those of us who are die-hard BSG fans (hi, gojeannie!), the final season is already chalking up to be THE most memorable of the memorable. I do have to admit that I kinda checked out when they were on New Caprica and the series resorted to those so-called human interest storylines which would've been tolerable had they included the offing of Calley, the biggest waste o' space ever. But BSG has completely redeemed itself...and then some. "What the Frack is Up with BSG" is THE best series re-cap (3 seasons, mind you) in the history of television—8 fleeting minutes of tongue-in-cheek or mind-boggling topical topics with no spoilers. Sorry about the commercial but decided the SciFi Channel had the clearest video.

If you haven't kept up with BSG (shame!), be sure to watch "What the Frack" coupled with the "Revelations" show where the producers give character background and historical insight...and aren't anywhere as dry as I just made them sound. Seriously.

Thanks to Souxie, saw the David Letterman "Top Ten Reasons to Watch the New Season of Battlestar Galactica".

Here's the thing (uh oh...just sounded like JC Chasez—and THAT will never do): its taken me 3 seasons to realize Jamie Bamber, aka Lee Adama, is a Brit. Well, okay--Brit-American but STILL. And get a load of his full name: Jamie St John Bamber Griffith. If that doesn't bring a pip-pip, hurrah and a jolly good show to mind, I'll eat my toad-in-a-hole (and I'm pretty positive its pronounced "Sin-jin"). Anyways, saw him on a commercial where you get the full effect of his proper English accent and then just a twinge in his portion of the David Letterman Top Ten. I am completely blown away by British, Australian, New Zillund, etc. actors who get the Ammurican accent down cold; we are apparently not able to reciprocate in kind. When you consider Lucy Lawless (D'Anna Biers), would you have known she was a Kiwi way back when she was flinging her killing disk-thingy as Xena: Warrior Princess?

Okay, enough sci-fi for now. Just be sure to catch BSG tonight @ 10/9C on the Sci-Fi Channel (natch)!

Oh wait—one last item. Here's my guess on the identity of the Fifth Cylon:

Admiral Cain.

Wouldn't she be THE most awesome toaster???

April 10, 2008

A Classic LaurenKaz Moment
So there I was, checking out at Whole Foods after having embarked on a more than successful hunting and foraging mission. Fuds, we has them. Greeted the cashier; we exchanged pleasantries and then she asked, "Do you have your ID?"

I looked up—WTF?—and thought to myself: Whole Foods must now require customer IDs and I NEVER GOT MINE.

I gaped at her.

<pause> "ID?"

She nodded and waited.

I thought to myself in a panic: I'm a great customer so how come I didn't get my customer ID? I wonder if its 5 or more digits?? Are they going to let me buy these groceries???

<pause encore> "So when did Whole Foods move to customer IDs? I never received mine." Quickly and cleverly theorized that if I looked confoosed (as if that's a problem) or perhaps adopted an injured air, maybe she would let me slide this time and I'd wade through the piles o' paperwork on my desk at home...STAT.

She looked at me appraisingly.

Held up the wine bottle sitting on the conveyor and clearly ennunciated, "Eye-Dee". Obviously, she finally recognized that she was dealing with a...simple--yeah, that's the term...person.

O.M.G.

I WAS BEING CARDED.

Okay, okay...so its been awhile since that has happened. In fact, I was probably mistaken for a boy more recently than needing to prove my legal ability to purchase alcohol. Seriously. But honestly--how does one's peabrain jump to the panicked conclusion that one has missed getting their customer ID number from a grocery store??!?

~~Sometimes~~ Oftentimes I really scare myself.

February 4, 2008

NOW We're Cookin'
In the literal and figurative sense, LaurenKaz is once again cooking—not with gas this time but e-l-e-c-t-r-i-c-i-t-y. O Welcome to the 21st Century!

Love-LOVE- my new Viking Portable Induction Cooker:

A whatsit, you might ask? This 17 lb countertop cooker uses a magnetic power generator (sounds nuclear, don't it?) (and 1800 watts ain't nothing to sneeze at) to induct heat into a pot or pan. The glass ceramic surface is durable AND safe; once you remove the pot from the cooker, the surface cools automagically which is ideal for homes avec les chats—if you catch my drift—or less-than-agile peeps.

Although I'll continue cooking with propane once I get the Moffett Field Special BBQ from CostCo (grill, rotisserie, burner AND oven), its a thing of beauty and joy forever to finally have HIGH heat to cook with. Neither propane nor butane burners get hot enough to sear and when its windy outside, you can pretty much kiss off even cooking temps—try boiling eggs for 30+ minutes. The magnetic induction cooker (codename: Thor) not only consumes less energy but offgasses less heat...making it ideal for areas without hooded ventilation, i.e., our warehouse.

We've definitely bumped up our camping methods a giant notch or two!
- 3:14 pm
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Whaddup With This Picture?
You might be asking yourself, okay so what's with the ______ (fill in the number but its at least a zillionth) cat snap?

Nothing much until you take a gander at THIS one:

I actually watched her scale the heights unassisted...not bad for a tripod!

She's nothing short of being Ezzie the Amazing, dontcha think?
- 2:36 pm
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February 3, 2008

Project Runway — We're Not in Kansas Anymore
Project Runway 4 is in full swing but I'm just not feeling it this season. Could it be that it has become—and one hesitates to use the word—formulaic? There have been some interesting challenges but total snoozers as well. Isn't B-O-R-I-N-G one of THE cardinal sins for the judges? Plus I think the producers purposefully chose nutbars for color interest...but not necessarily to the benefit of design. Its hard to believe Elisa could've made the cut during the nationwide search but there she was, measuring her fabric with spit marks and churning out one incomprehensible outfit after another. Hold the phone: just before she was auf'd, Elisa confided her tragic but inspiring story of being hit by a Porsche, coming out of a coma (or was it a severe head laceration?), and getting on with her life damaged but triumphant. What the audience should feel at this point is anger at being manipulated. Week after week, Elisa has been "lucky enough" to avoid the chopping block and her wackiness has been emphasized to the max but when the end is in sight, we're supposed to feel like crap for lacking compassion. Bah.

Sweet P is another fish out of water although PR4 would have you believe in her design ability after making her the (hullo: obvious) almost-winner for her "iconic" denim dress—the one she somehow salvaged from being a patchwork 60's nightmare after Tim's cutting comments. We get it that the show doesn't turn away anyone based solely on their lack of background, skills or design sense; no one is more of an antithesis to haute couture than Sweet P with her tats and matronly cleavage (neither of which really needs to be seen on cable TV). But I guess what's really making me a crankypants is the lack of finesse and good judgment on the part of the producers. Yes, we understand that these so-called reality shows are anything but and there's a lot of scripted activity going on HOWEVER we really ain't that stoopid. So give us some meat on the bones instead of trying to play with people's minds...flip-flopping from good to bad guy, good to bad designer, good to bad teammate week to week is pathetic. And tiring. And B-O-R-I-N-G.

Here's what has actually salvaged the season for me: I have to watch the show in order to appreciate Beth Spotwood's reviews. Some highlights, s'il-vous plaît...

Project Runway Recap: Season Four, Episode Six
- ...and my mother and I settled in with our Chardonnay for another hour of heaven. Nothing says mother/daughter bonding like gay reality television.
- Jesus Christ. Clothes out of candy? What will they think of next? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if ProRun's producers made the designers steal a hobo cart from a bum and use its contents to create an Oscar gown for Cate Blanchett.
- Victorya and her constant frown created a ruffled monstrosity that neither my mother not I could understand. I'm sorry. I didn't realize the assignment was to make a Quinceanera dress. Tim is really mastering the one liners lately. In all seriousness, he actually announced to Victorya that her garment "looks like a coffee filter or a maxi pad." Fabulous!

Project Runway Recap: Season Four, Episode Seven
- Chris March's design, while perfectly lovely for an episode of Dynasty, is very reminiscent of Austin Scarlett meets Louis B. Mayer. Unless Jersey prom involves some monologue in a Southern drawl, preferably atop a Baby Grand, I'm not getting it.
- Kevin, our token straight, keeps working on his Forever 21 looking red halter dress. I'm less concerned with the dress than I am with Kevin's facial hair. If he wants to display how straight he is, Kevin might want to stay away from Backstreet Boy precision beard. I mean, really.
- Speaking of which, now that I know Rami is gay, he just gets gayer and gayer to me. The homo floodgates have opened and Rami is suddenly flaming.
- Victorya, who annoys me as the spelling of her name does, did a fabulous job, deemed by Nina "appropriate." Nina seemed to be very concerned about the appropriateness of designs for 17 year old girls. Hmmmm, interesting. Crack open an Elle and you can see 17 year old covering her boobs with her pinkies. FYI.

Project Runway Recap: Season Four, Episode Eight
- But the models are slightly important to this challenge as each of them has a different wacky hair-do and the designers must design an avant garde ensemble based on Mohawks, dreadlocks and beehives. Back in the workroom, the greatest man alive, Tim Gunn explains that avant garde means ambitious and crazy couture. No need, Tim. Elisa is gone. You don't have to explain how clocks works or doors open anymore.
- A trend started by Tim, all of the designers now scream "THANK YOU MOOOOOD!" upon leaving. They must drive the other shoppers, not to mention the staff, crazy but I love it. Isn't there some club somewhere around here called Mood? I want to go so I can scream "Thank you MOOD!" and watch all the gays be like, "Project Runway! Love it!"
- Rami is obviously the team leader and spends this whole episode talking to Sweet P like she's retarded. At first, I thought Rami was being kinda mean, but then I realized Sweet P IS retarded. So nice call on that one, Rami. Sweet P is too old to wander around saying "Man!" and "Dude!" all the time. She's like Spicoli's mom and she needs to snap out of it.

Project Runway Recap: Season Four, Episode Nine
- Tim takes the designers on a mysterious field trip to...gasp! A burrow! It's fabulous to see Tim shoved in a minivan with everyone, acting like he rides around in minivans all the time.
- Ricky announces that he loves to work with denim and sometimes, he even makes his own hats out of denim. Ah, that explains a lot. I was wondering from which tranny store he purchased his hideous hat collection. He makes them. Of course.
- Much to my delight, Chris and Crazyhair get in a fight over how to get Stupid P.'s foot dirt out of denim, officially making it the gayest fight of all time. Crazyhair is starting to drive everyone crazy, appropriately enough, prompting Rami to declare, "If I had hair on my head, I'd want to tear it out." Bald jokes! Love it!
- Approaching Stupid P, Tim takes one look at her patchwork denim wedding dress and says it looks like something from the "Happy Hands at Home Granny Circle."Where, oh where does he come up with these gems?

So I guess I've switched my allegiance from treasuring the actual Project Runway show to devouring the review by Beth Spotswood following each episode...she's a GENIUS. Go to SFGate and type in "Project Runway" to catch all of her columns.

OMG, HIL-arious!
- 4:09 am
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February 2, 2008

Tasting One's Memories

Have you ever eaten something delecto—be it main course, appetizer, dessert or even a condiment—that so encapsulated perfection, you just had to own it? That would explain the POUNDS o' taste treats procured and lugged home over the years. You know: guava jelly from Costa Rica or dried cuttlefish from Tokyo or vegemite from Sydney (okay, kidding about that last one). Once back at the ranch, however, and the taste was never the same. Ergo, the jars/cans/boxes o' delish would languish in the back of one's pantry until one fine Spring cleanout...when the packaging was reduced to recycleables after the contents were unceremoniously dumped.

The very experience just described happened YET AGAIN. Having ingested many a fine breakfast at the Trailside Café & Coffee House in Monterey, I was ecstatic to find the Pepper Plant sauce (which graced my homefries at said establishment) lying in wait on a shelf in Whole Foods. Eureka! O the anticipation of opening the bottle and letting the contents slowly drizzle over one's breakfast...closing one's eyes as one's teeth sank into the sauce-laden mouthful...having same eyes fly open in consternation as the experience was nowhere near the anticipation. DANGIT.

So while its a pleasant sauce, it apparently becomes saltier and less tasty when NOT ingested by the Monterey Bay shoreline. Go figure.

I guess the lesson learned is that food (well, a condiment in this case) in its environ makes for the memorable moments. Ahhhh...the Trailside Café: a bijou eatery located just off the walk/bicycle path that snakes through Cannery Row in Monterey and ends up near Sand City. Breakfasts and lunches to make your mouth water and your stomach sing: classic Eggs Benedict done to perfection (runny yolks), French beignets (dusted with powdered sugar) and specials like Seanie's Egg Delight (a fried egg layered between English muffins with bacon, tomato and Tillamook Cheddar cheese, served with Trailside potatoes).

The café itself has a funky, eclectic 70's-style interior but we have actually only dined on the patio which boasts heat lamps amongst the vining arbor for the chillier mornings. Relaxing there with Ms_Lellis and sipping a Mimosa whilst watching the Monterey Bay denizens float and fly (or even the overly-fit athlete sprint, jog or bike by) is calming and restorative. Even their address couldn't be better: 550 Wave Street (lower level) in Monterey...for ocean-lovers like Himself and I, the experience is always unrivaled.
- 1:38 pm
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January 31, 2008

Here's the REAL Star Wars Trilogy...

...as presented by I Can Has Cheezburger:
- 9:48 pm
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January 23, 2008

I'm a WINNAH!

1) The year 2008 has already had an amazing beginning. Normally averse to gambling whilst in Lost Wages (or anywhere for that matter), LaurenKaz nonetheless plunked down $5 into a penny SUPER Jackpot Party slot machine and proceeded to be entertained at 9:00 in the morning. gojeannie and I love this game—its so visually and audibly satisfying that it pretty much doesn't matter we're losing to a one-armed bandit. Its just fun! and loud! and exciting! and surprising!; except for the fact that it takes your money, its the perfect form of entertainment on earth.

This particular morning, LaurenKaz won multiple runs of Pick Any Present (don't select the Party Pooper, though!) plus miracles of miracles, the Dance-a-Thon AND Whack-a-Pooper bonus rounds where the credits just kept rolling in...it only lacked the excitement generated by a crowd ooing and aahing the burgeoning numbers (which wasn't to be at 9am). All told, I would've won $75...that is until the moron in me listened to Himself who said, well don't stop now. End result: down $10. Rats! Still, the glow that came from actually winning—as opposed to the normal outcome—could not be extinguished.

2) Himself proceeded to top this by practically paying for the entire trip and it was mere happenstance. We decided to sit at a slot machine facing the elevator lobby so we could watch for the Kids. He would show me how it covers 1¢, 2¢ or 5¢ bets, all with the push of a button. Himself likes to bet big—meaning max lines, max value (makes me nervous) (I've seen how fast the moola goes with this strategy). In went the $20 bill. Neither he nor I had ever laid eyes on a "Cleopatra II" slot before so we didn't even know the goal.

Eventually, 3 Sphinxes came up, some music played and 3 boxes appeared: you chose one to get up to 20 free spins. He got 12. Big deal. The machine proceeded to do its thing and Himself never touched a button again. Spin after automagic spin, credits were won, 3 more Sphinxes produced something called a "Scatter" and then it was multipliers all over the place. He started saying, "Wow, this is a lot of money!" "Gosh, I wonder what's going on?". This was my cue to look around nervously for the man in the black suit to come over and yank us off the machine. Hey, I saw the sign that said "Malfunction negates pay or play." It was the most amazing thing either of us is likely to see. End result? Almost 1200 smackers! BTW, this in no way, shape or form even comes close to recooping what Himself has lost over the years but the buzz it generated? Priceless.

3) For the very first time in her life, LaurenKaz actually won a raffle prize! This raffle was for an excellent cause—the United Nation World Food Programme, feeding hungry children and supporting local (African) sustainable food sources. There was a surreal feeling as one perused the list of winners....and spotted the unbelievable: I SCORED the "Best of the Ferry Building" basket, chock full of goodies by the illustrious vendors of the SF Farmer's Market (many thanks to Married...with Dinner)!

Then to top off the morning, LaurenKaz continued down the list and TA-DA...a second prize was won: a basket full of artisanal viands from Italy! Of course, given the strictness of the US Customs, there's a good chance this basket will never reach its destination (my hot little hands) but really, its mostly about reading one's frackin' name on the Winners List! (and giving to a good cause, of course...grazie, Ms Adventures in Italy)

So you see: we're not even through January yet and we've pretty much beat our lifetime winnings on any front. BOO-YAH.
- 12:42 am
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January 22, 2008

Ah Demotivators...how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

#1:

#2:

#3:

Vegas, Baby...'08 Style!
We jetted off to Lost Wages with the First Couple of Phun to celebrate Tommy's B-Day in particular and have a blast in general. This trip was extra-special as Donnie (Jeannie's bro) joined us and that's always the ultimate in fun.....would that make it fun-er? He's a wild and crazy guy who doesn't drink (<gasp> yes: sacrilege!) and so inherited DD duties by default (I guess that's actually DDDD or D⁴) in case we overindulged on the first night. As if that's humanly possible.

We have the system down: take off from Oaktown @ 8:30pm on a Friday, land at McCarran @ 10:30pm, pick up the rental car and do-not-stop/do-not-pass-go to Red Square post-haste. On this trip, we dropped Jeannie and Donnie off at Mandalay Bay to secure our shnax for the evening; it just wouldn't do to be drinking flights o' vodka without sustenance as we found out on a previous trip.

They also had the pleasant "double duty" of meeting up with their folks who happened to be in Vegas (baby) at the same time but were, unfortunately, leaving the next morning at 0:dark thirty. The rest of the party checked us all into ze Wynn Las Vegas�a veritable paradise in the desert if there ever was one�and then headed off for swigs of Yuri and Jewel of Russia.

gojeannie covered the highlights of our trip oh so well; I'd just like to add some comments:
- I do believe that Himself finally understands the concept of not overindulging as most of the rest of the weekend--that translates to a lion's share of the vacation--was spent feeling like crap. Yuri (or is it "Youri"?) IS so shmooth but a martooni plus flight o' vodkas on top of a "dinner" that consisted of 2 hardboiled eggs is a recipe for disaster. It just ain't worth it, buddy!

- The gods were smiling on us and we did NOT run into Perez Hilton @ the Wynn. It would've been interesting to be a fly on the wall in the Blush club if only to witness skank ho's and celebutantes trying to out-do each other. But we were better off safely esconced in Red Square, especially having JUST missed a brawl that happened right outside the bar following a rap concert in Mandalay Bay. Guess the security gorillas quickly made mincemeat of the participants in a rather violent and bloody way. Its Vegas, baby!
- Love-Love-LOVE the Country Club restaurant in the Wynn! The atmosphere was oh so swank, the fud delecto and the wine dee-vine; it goes without saying the company was beyond compare. The CC is currently Numbah One on my Lost Wages list and other restaurants are hard-pressed to even lick its boots (sorry--huge unsanitary visual there).
- ADORE the upper Wynn bar, Parasol Up! Its the best for people-watching the foot traffic AND the casino action. Come to think of it, we went to Parasol Up 2x this trip and visited Parasol Down not a once. Something about shmoking a stogie indoors while the great outdoors has a chill is strangely compelling....

- MAC eyelashes are ever so glam! The main problem is my inability to wear glasses whilst sporting a pair. Seriously, it coulda been a real slapstick moment or two if I were to have accidentally placed my hand into someone's plate o' soup or even returned to the wrong party after visting the washroom. Come to think of it, I coulda gotten some scoops if I happend to seat myself at that interesting table o' gals next to us at the CC. I know the porn convention was supposed to have started later in the week but those were definitely..........working girls. Yeah, that's the ticket. Working girls.

Yep, another fantabulous weekend in Lost Wages. It was rather surrealistic to return to everyday life in the Bay Area, that's fer sure.

Slight aside, I did find a HIL-arious review of the Wynn on Cheapo Vegas

From Casino Boy:
Room Quality: We'll talk about the Resort Room because it's the basic one and the only one they would ever let us near...Windows are floor to ceiling, which is fantastic for those of us who like for our feet to see...Oh, the electric drapes are a nice touch. We always get so worn out opening and closing drapes...
Food: Bartolotta di Mare. This Italian seafood restaurant has incredible and lovely views, as well as decent food. The restaurant itself is just okay looking, but that view! It ain't cheap, but it's the sort of place you want to take a loved one to really dazzle him before revealing that you too were once a man. He'll be so impressed with the view he probably won't care much.

From Amy (who totally rocks):
Food: Does Steve Wynn eat, or does he just photosynthesize? Visitors won't find any clues about what the big guy likes to eat, but Steve Wynn has continued his influential "food court" approach to fine dining, making sure there's a little bit of everything available. Wynn Las Vegas does feature a buffet, but the letters on the sign are scrambled so that the proletariat can't find their way to it and eat all the mozzarella balls. The Flubbet? The Fluffer? The Tubeff? It's a snob code!
Carpet and Other Decor: Judging from his track record, Steve Wynn loves tassels almost as much as he loves spouting, pulsing, throbbing gushes of water. It just couldn't be a Wynn casino without harnessing the vast power of what Las Vegas has so little of. Class? Nope, water! Ok, so there's a waterfall at the foot of a large pond here, but what really caught my attention was that the designers were able to combine the tassel theme and the water theme in the Parasol Up/ Parasol Down bars. As one watches the ejaculation of thousands of gallons of frothy water, large fabric umbrellas (positively covered in tassels and gewgaws) slowly rise and fall. This viewing area is the climax of the design-as-Wynn-tribute.

So yeah, they ARE dissing our beloved Shangri-La Away from Home but Jeannie and I did have to wrinkle our collective noses at the Steve Wynn channel playing 24/7 (if you chose to be masochistic) in the rooms. It truly is ALL about him.
- 1:59 am
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