LaurenKaz's Xanga Site

January 19, 2008

Quick 2007 Re-Cap
Happy New Year, BTW! So for the two of you who don't already know, 2007 was designated the Year of Change for moi-self. Got somewhat jaded at my workplace (was there a scant 16.5 years...go figure) and after being "teamed with"�and I use the term extremely loosely�a co-worker who is a fascinating mix of neurotic insecurity and an abrasive "let them eat grass" attitude of superiority, LaurenKaz decided it was high time to figure out what she wanted to be when she grew up. In order to do that, one would have to eliminate 14+ hour workdays to allow for personal investigation. Tried going part-time before which didn't work; ended up slogging just as many hours for less pay which is pretty darn stoopid. Additionally, there were some life-altering incidents which further hammered home the feeling that change was long overdue:

1) The janitor had a heart attack in the cafeteria while a bunch of us were still working in the evening.
2) A long-time employee who'd beaten breast cancer 2 years ago had a re-occurance which metastasized to Stage Four.
3) One of our kitties was diagnosed with a sarcoma caused by--get this--the vaccine we had her inoculated with to prevent rabies.

Each of these items was a shock but to have them happen within a span of 2 months really knocked the wind out of one's sails. Out of these crises, Himself and I could really only effect a solution for #3 so Esmeralda underwent a hemi-pelvectomy (removing her back leg including the pelvis) to eliminate any cancer cells that were spread due to an earlier tumor removal. We're now the proud owners of The Most Expensive Cat So Far who received a normal lifespan prognosis, thanks to an amazing surgeon�this guy gave an epidural to a CAT.

***WARNING!***

***POSSIBLY DISTRESSING PICTURES TO THOSE WITH A SENSITIVE NATURE!***

***OOPS! TOO LATE!***

Ezzie After Two Weeks

Ezzie has taught us that not all kittehs are good candidates for this procedure as most of our kids are former ferals/strays and do NOT appreciate being around strange people like vets, technicians, etc. Ezz is such as suck-up that even after surgery when she was doped to the gills, the techs were falling all over themselves to pet her. Ezzie the Invalid changed the tenor of life at the IZ since we needed to keep her isolated during recovery. The TV Room went through an evolution: from (human) guest room to recovery room with kennel to hotel suite complete with potty box and a full range of comestibles. Guess which room garnered the most interest amongst the rabble? Little paws poking under the door...scratching noises on the wood...a lot of whining...no dignity.

Ze Hotel de Ville, Kitteh Style

Gave notice at the end of Sept for an Oct exit from work. Ended up staying a "couple more" weeks as my boss (who was ironically let go towards the end of this period) was not even interested in getting a debriefing of my responsibilities so it would occur to him, in piecemeal fashion and at the very last minute, that I needed to produce this, that or the other. Partied with the Boozehounds after my very last day of work; patticass, GlamGirl and others gave me the awesomest going-away gifts...a total surprise as I was pretty successful at exiting, stage left, with little fanfare.

Then, an accident on the very night of the Boozehounds party marking the start of my new life. Karma has a weird way of operating sometimes.

Cliff Notes version: the Newbie's electrical system completely died while I was in the fast lane during stop&go traffic (Friday night). People were impatiently driving around me on the left shoulder which meant I couldn't get out of my car. Had emergency flashers going but when the traffic flow picked up, knew this was not going to be good. The guy who rear-ended me was following the car in front of him too closely and couldn't swerve in time. Ended up with a mildly fractured wrist (the left one, of course), lacerated knee, scalp laceration (although I have no idea where it was) and various bumps & bruises plus no more Newbie. Do I feel lucky? HELL YES. It could've been so much worse given the time, place and circumstances.

Spent the rest of 2007 recuperating and helping Ezzie to recover; can really recommend neither as the way to "take some time off". Himself did awesomely after the accident�didn't panic like after the bike incident although its alleged he did want me to get out of the car and walk around�and has been 100% supportive during my rehabilitation. Pretty much back to "normal" although I do notice an increased short-term memory loss. I say "increased" because we all get up from our desks and by the time we're even 2 cubicles past, we've forgotten our original intent. That's mainly due to lots o' people talking to you on the way or too many projects/issues happening simultaneously. Right now, I'm getting up from my chair and forgetting what I was supposed to do by the time I reach maximum altitude and believe me, the cats ain't saying much to interrupt the thought process. Y'all will have to be patient with me for awhile...

Did I say "Quick 2007 Re-Cap"? I guess I now have a tendency to outright LIE.

Anyways, I think Ms_Lellis and I can agree that 2007 was the Year of Crises and I'm now officially designating 2008 as the Year of Change. Again.

Bad ~~Cat~~ Dog Calendar
Some of you might be amazed to learn that I actually bought my 2008 calendars before February. Goldangit, who knew those suckers went on sale before Christmas (which isn't the guiding principle for delayed purchases, BTW). I got some amazingly entertaining ones....the desktop calendar boasts the sun/moon phases plus daily tidal charts for the Bay Area. This would really only be of interest to fishermen and windsurfers�like the AM radio that plays nothing but NOAA wind conditions�but hey, who knows? This is supposed to be the Year of Change which hopefully doesn't include breaking my seriously stale windsurfing equipment when and if I go back out on the water for the first time in years. Anyways, to get back to the original topic (bear with me as my scrambled brains cause a lot of meandering; just be sure to let me know when I've completely forgotten the original subject matter altogether at the end of my diatribe), I bought the Bad Cat Wall Calendar...and have to confess it was mainly because I was enamored with the Bad Dog Wall Calendar:

At the time, I thought it would be a serious breach of protocol for a cat OWNER (not COLLECTOR, mind you) to own a canine calendar. But seriously, folks: that Chihuahua is SO PERFECT. The Cat version in no way, shape or form even comes close to the ridiculousness of the BDWC. Have decided that dogs are able to humiliate themselves in visual ways that cats would never match; let's not forget what which pet is prone to allowing themselves to be shoved into costumes or baby carriages for photo ops.

For true twisted feline humor, I have to defer to the wunnerful website that catigerz + greel08 discovered: I Can Has Cheezburger

Random Thought...
Ever been hit by hummingbird doo-doo? Me, neither. At least until this afternoon. I've always thought the little shits (no pun intended) would end up embedding themselves in our foreheads. Their aerial acrobatics are amazing and boy, are they Aggression Personified. Turns out our denizens are Anna's Hummingbirds and not the Ruby-Throated variety which doesn't range as far west as California. Get this: Anna's have a life span of up to 8.5 years! So the lil feller who sits on the backyard fence barbed wire (remember: we live in an industrial park), yakking away and even sipping at the nectar station @ 8:30pm (dark:thirty!), is actually the same Joe Schmoe each and every year...and not an offspring with an embedded salmon-like instinct/memory. Who knew.
- 6:31 pm
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March 26, 2007

Thanks for the trip down Memory (RAM or ROM?) Lane, gojeannie!

Pivotal Sci-Fi Moments (in no particular order)
ST:NG - The Best of Both Worlds (Parts 1 and 2): ushered in the Borg as the Ultimate Enemy—merciless and seemingly unstoppable. There were many other fine Borg episodes but this one introduced emotionless techno-bad guys who inexorably destroyed any ship, colony or world in their path (bringing the Federation to its collective (ha!) knees). It was balanced by drama on the human level in the fine form of Lt. Cmdr. Shelby, an ambitious and aggressive rival for Cmdr. Riker's position. Last but not least, the assimilation of Capt. Picard into the Collective, he representing the one character who was infallible and undefeated up to this point. Hands-down the BEST season-ending cliffhanger AND the best new season opener. Ever. EVER, I tell you!

I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile.

Alien: the original and best of a very good but not completely great series. [The third movie, Alien3, really sucked mainly because they immediately killed off Newt and Corporal Hicks who were the only other survivors of Aliens besides Ripley—and then whacked her at the end) (uh.....retro-spoiler alert....ooops).] Along with the original "Star Wars" [the first and ONLY worthy movie of that so-called series…the others pale—PALE, I tell you—in comparison (especially after the Luke and Leia storyline went from naïve farmboy makes good to aw shucks romance then degenerated to (ACK) incestuous overtones in the next film) (and one name sums up the degree of suckiness: Jar-Jar Binks)], Alien was one of the first sci-fi movies to portray ships and their humans as dirty, grungy, flawed real-life entities. No antiseptic "2001: A Space Odyssey" here, folks. Besides an alien which truly made you jump out of your seat with every inventive appearance, there was good character interplay, Jones the (shithead) cat, a captain who listened to "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" in the shuttle and last but not least, a movie that closed with Howard Hanson's Symphony No. 2, the "Romantic."

In space, no one can hear you scream

Firefly - Ariel: this is the episode where Simon Tam hires the Firefly crew to take he and his sister, River, down to the planet Ariel. He's desperate to diagnose the damage Alliance doctors have inflicted on her through their barbaric experimentation. Comical scenes of Mal, Zoe and Jayne prepping for and carrying out their mission of bringing the Tams to the medical facility, then segueing to stealing pharmaceuticals for selling on the black market as compensation for the caper. The men with Hands of Blue make a chilling appearance, dispatching Alliance personnel using a mysterious device that causes people to bleed out. Drama on the personal level: Jayne's betrayal of the Tams to the Alliance (of biblical proportions, if you think about it) and Mal handing out retribution to those who would turn against him and his crew. Wicked.

I don't care, I'm still free...You can't take the sky from me

Hey, here's something we're going to have to investigate! From Wikipedia:
Fourteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds into the first episode of the Battlestar Galactica mini-series, in the beginning of the scene where Laura Roslin receives diagnostic of breast cancer. The Firefly ship is the third one to appear in the sky.

Star Trek - The Menagerie (Part 1 and 2): Classic, classy. The real beginning of the Star Trek universe, introducing not only Capt. Kirk and crew (Nurse Chapel (aka Mrs. Roddenberry) as Number One looking pretty darn good as a brunette) BUT an even greater starship captain, Christopher Pike. While contrasting stoic Vulcans vs. hot-blooded Homo sapiens, this episode also showed Mr. Spock's intense loyalty and, yes, his humanity while "saving" his former captain. How different and interesting a series ST would've been if Jeffrey Hunter had elected to continue his character…and its especially poignant when watching these episodes, knowing that he died in real life a scant 4 years later.

Jeffrey Hunter is not a hugely well-known actor today but some might recognize him from "The Searchers", an epic John Ford Western starring John Wayne and a young Natalie Wood. He also portrayed Jesus Christ in "The King of Kings"—while panned by critics, its paradoxically considered one of the finest cinematic versions portraying the life of Christ.

Battlestar Galactica - there are too many fine, fine episodes to distill my choice down to one (same problem with the Star Treks, actually) but some of the better moments had to involve Admiral Caine. What a stroke of genius to have Michelle Forbes (Ensign Ro of ST:NG) portraying the biggest bad-ass around...stronger than Adama, suffering no fools, ruthless to the point of sacrificing non-military or "non-essential" personnel in order to better the chances of her fleet surviving. Yes, we can sit back in our chairs, comfortable with our superior vision, and deride her decisions but what if YOU were the leader of the last dregs of humanity, believing that no one else had survived the slaughter? What if you came to the belief that saving some would spell doom for all? What if your focus became one of revenge since there was no chance of ever winning against the Cylons? Clearly Starbuck came away with a different understanding and even appreciation of the Admiral--her eulogy spoke of her admiration for the very difficult decisions that Caine had made.

And In Case You're Wondering
Yes, actually—I AM currently avoiding our taxes. Well, I devoted most of the weekend to entering the interminable credit card items (because we file business AND personal, that's why) into QuickBooks. And yups, it would go oh so much smoother if I were to diligently enter these suckers in every month. But that would mean discipline and organization. What fun is that??!?

I did set myself some carrots, however, to "help" rid me of the ball and chain (taxes, silly):
- no buying nor planting any cool new Spring denizens in my revamped jardin;
- no watching the season finale of Battlestar Galactica AND, more importantly;
- no reading gojeannie's Xanga which could be full of spoilers.

I'm fracked.

March 18, 2007

Random Thoughts du Jour�
- Its been awhile since I checked out Despair, Inc., hands-down THE best Demotivator (their term) website on earth! Here are some posters which put me in mind of my workplace:

- Saw a couple of movies this weekend:

"The Departed" was pretty cool...and WHAT a stellar cast. Dunno if I would've voted it Best Picture, however...and why is it that Hollywood insists on awarding industry icons for works that are not their best efforts? Paul Newman comes to mind; won for "The Color of Money" (ghastly film) but think of all the pivotal roles he's played. I really enjoy Matt Damon's performances when he's a bad guy; he was quite chilling in "The Talented Mr. Ripley." While he's not what I consider to be a studio grade pretty-boy, he does have that earnest schoolkid demeanor � la Luke Skywalker in the original (and IMHO, only worthy) Star Wars flick. Nice perfomances by Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg�they both got that Boston (Bas-ton, actually) street 'tude down. As always, Jack Nicholson played the same character...or should I say gave the sterotypical JN performance. Whether its "The Witches of Eastwick" (although he WAS a bit more demented on a different level) or "Terms of Endearment" or "A Few Good Men" or even "As Good As It Gets," its always The Same Performance. Ho hum. The only thing more disturbing than having Jack Nicholson recreate "Groundhog Day" with each film is watching Christian Slater emulate Jack Nicholson in every movie HE'S in. I guess we can say he's Jack Nicholson-er.

Second film was "The Guardian"

and I only downloaded it because Pop likes action films...he actually stays awake for them. Since it starred Kevin Costner AND Ashton Kutcher, who wouldn't have sub-zilch expectations going into it? Another one of those "G.I. Jane" or "Top Gun" or other testosterone-laden flicks but still compelling if only observing how the director handled the sheer awful power of the ocean. Hard to say where location shots left off and the studio wave machine kicked in but it kept you engaged for most of the film. And maybe with this movie, Kevin Costner is on the path to redeeming himself for ever having inflicted "Waterworld" on the unsuspecting populace (its gonna take many flicks to make reparations for THAT stinker, however).

- ADD has kicked in...yay! Probably because I'm feeling ever so much better coming off the allergy meltdown (75% recovered) ergo my energy levels have been really high this weekend. Am getting boatloads of things accomplished on the homefront�might even feel like doing a small work project or two later today. The only problem with ADD is trying to muster the discipline to complete any given task instead of flitting here and there. Yes indeedy: I'm now using the term "Focus, Grasshopper" on myself. ACK.

March 17, 2007

The Most Amazing Thing I've Seen in a Long Time
No, I'm not talking about Himself careening down the aisles at CostCo on a Sunday morning (more on that later).
Uh uh. Not Himself doing a leprechaun imitation ("They're magically delicious!") but I agree, gojeannie�it IS pretty funny.
Nope, not Himself practicing karaoke�gen-u-wine JAPANESE karaoke�in preparation for some future visit to Japan (but you're getting close).

Here 'tis, in all of its glory:

Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner

For those of you who have missed out on the occasional spectacle of William Shatner reciting a song's stanzas to background music because he can't sing, this is your golden opportunity to be awe-inspired�flummoxed�gobsmacked. Just as good, if not better, as the renditions themselves are the reviewers' comments on amazon.com. PRICELESS.

Mister tambourine man... MISTER TAMBOURINE MAN!!!
I love so-bad-it's-good music, so obviously I had to have this CD. There's so much superlatively, deliciously, appallingly bad stuff on this CD it's hard to know where to begin. Most of the CD is taken up by Nimoy, but the few Shatner tracks scale heights of awfulness that few other artists have even approached (not even Bobby Goldsboro). "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" and "Mr. Tambourine Man" prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that method acting and popular songs are not a marriage made in heaven. In fact, together they are possibly the worst songs ever recorded by anyone anywhere. I challenge you to listen to these two songs back-to-back and decide which is worse -- perhaps that's something man was never meant to know. The Nimoy tracks are not quite as spectacular, but there are many highlights there too: "Highly Illogical" is delightfully awful, and "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" is completely demented (it's a favorite on the Dr. Demento show). The rest of the songs are mostly just evidence of Mr. Nimoy's incredibly mediocre singing voice; some of them, like "Both Sides Now" should be included on a future compilation entitled "Good Songs Sung by Bad Singers". This CD is a treasure that you'll enjoy for years, although not for the reasons the artists intended.

Where No Manure Has Gone Before
I used to think the funniest unintentionally funny thing I'd ever heard was Lorne Green, Dan Blocker and Michael Landon butchering the theme from "Bonanza." Then I got this album. The tone-deaf stars of "Bonanza" have nothing on "Star Trek's" William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy, whose insatiable TV-star egos pushed them to record music and monologues that transcend mere mediocrity and ineptitude, constituting an alien art form that defies earthly description. Whatever it is, it's the best of it, or the worst, depending upon your point of view. You'll love it passionately, like I do, or you'll despise it with every fiber of your being, like my wife does. There's no middle ground here.

perhaps the funniest thing imaginable
this is actually, for anyone, trekkie or no, one of the most laugh-out-loud hilarious albums ever created. with either--I can't decide--an incredible sense of deadpan humor or tragically overwrought sincerity, the two star trek icons mercilessly butcher a whole album full of otherwise respectable songs (and, in the case of shatner, bizarre composite monologues ripped from Shakespeare).

Shatner manages to 'sing' everything as though it were Star Trek, and Nimoy manages only occasionally to nail a pitch.

Highlights:
- Mr. Tambourine Man for its PRIMAL SHRIEK OF DOOM that will really surprise you if you're not ready for it.
- Highly Illogical for its bizarre, peppy and inane musings on earth-culture.
- The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins for pure absurdism. Google for this and you'll find a video of Nimoy which only makes it better.
- Hamlet. I don't think I need to elaborate.

Fans of this FANTASTIC album should really investigate Shatner's newest album, 'has been,' which shines with such gems as "It Hasn't Happened Yet," and a spoken-word cover of the brit-pop "Common People," the latter of which rivals anyting on this album for hilarity.

I totally agree with this one (NOT that I'm plunking down my hard-earned $$, however):

After reading these reviews...
I've already been laughing for the past 45 minutes, and I
just ordered the album - it hasn't arrived yet. I think Amazon
is missing a marketing opportunity by not charging people to
read these reviews, because they're hysterical!

How did I happen upon this buried treasure? Miracle Max was talking about "Common People" by Pulp; also listed in the eStore was William Shatner's version. What could possibly be more classically trite than that??!?

Random Thoughts�
- One of the ways Bluetooth wireless technology sucks pondwater (yes, let me count them) is you never know when your batteries are about to die on you. Perhaps the keyboard starts typing some random characters and then skipping some letters but not others. Maybe the cursor starts to move in fits and spurts. So much for wireless being convenient...if you don't have fresh batteries, you're basically hosed until you can find a CABLED keyboard or mouse. Sheesh.

- And you thought I was a klutz (you can skip this paragraph, Ms_Lellis): dashing through CostCo on a Sunday, hurrying to pick up necessities. Like what, you might ask. HULLO, Kirkland vodka which is reputed to be bottled by the Grey Goose people BUT literally half the cost (yes, Kids: run, don't walk to your nearest CostCo and check it out). Himself had the basics list plus cart so I could snake my way down the aisles unencumbered. Mission accomplished, we went for Peet's afterwards and he was wincing whilst sipping his latte. I said, so are your muscles bothering you after your bike ride yesterday? He said, no he had fallen. I asked, you mean during your bike ride? He said no, just now. I asked, YOU MEAN YOU JUST FELL IN COSTCO??? He said, yup he was walking down an aisle and somehow tripped his own self, falling down on the side which has the jeans pocket full--FULL, I tell you--of crap. Like the wallet that he never empties of receipts until they are so rolled up that I have to practically iron them to read while I'm entering things into QuickBooks. How does one trip oneself up while walking down a pretty much empty aisle??? I'd just left him for 10 minutes while I was scouring the store. He sprained a finger and skinned his knee so it was actually bleeding while we were drinking coffee. Sheesh encore!

- Discovered an new, new allergy but OF COURSE only after a total dermatological meltdown of epic scale. Kinda like "300". But without the Spartans. Nor the Phoenicians. And, drat it, minus Gerard Butler. Anyways, here's the sordid story: wanted to get off artificial sweeteners because gawdknows what they do to our innards. GlamGirl introduced me to Stevia rebaudiana which can't be marketed as a sweetener due to the sugar industry having a complete cow plus the FDA using scare tactics and slapping on restrictions but can be found as an herbal supplement. From Wikipedia:

With its extracts having up to 300 times the sweetness of sugar, stevia has garnered attention with the rise in demand for low-carbohydrate, low-sugar food alternatives. Stevia also has shown promise in medical research for treating such conditions as obesity^[1] and high blood pressure.^[2][3] Stevia has negligible effect on blood glucose, therefore it is attractive as a natural sweetener to diabetics and others on carbohydrate-controlled diets.

Sounds like an ideal additive, eh? Sweet AND controversial. Plus Stevia maintains its integrity at high temps so one can use it in cooking which isn't true for some of the artificial sweeteners. Well, leave it to LaurenKaz to NOT realize it comes from the ragweed or sunflower family Asteraceae... Took me a couple of months to finally put two and two together. The skin around my eyes started cracking and peeling but only in the corners; this is probably when I was only using it occasionally at the beginning. Next, we moved into our new headquarters which had no heat in January and February so I was drinking tea like mad (milk and Stevia, natch). Finally, in a brilliantly stoopid move, replaced cocktails with unsweetened 100% cranberry juice, fizzy water AND Stevia in a misguided effort to be healthier. Which resulted in a(nother) skin meltdown�of COURSE, on my face...where else?�which caused my eyelids to puff up, turn bright red and peel in earnest (they were only kidding before). A lovely vision, not unlike the baboons at the zoo (but at the other end).

Have decided that alcohol's the only way to go. DUH.
- 4:12 pm
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January 2, 2007

Happy New Year, Everyone!
And puh-leeze tell me that no one in their right mind managed to watch Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2007. Is that not one of THE most convoluted titles you have ever read??? Dick Clark has advanced past Dorian Grey status and now resembles someone from Madame Tussaud's who was left standing in the sun a little too long. Ryan Seacrest has topped the charts of Most Irritatingly Chipper Person You Want to Cr�me Pie in the Face�but apparently the Powers-That-Be believe we just can't get enough of this guy. To quote krisinluck: Gah.

October 3, 2006

OMG...how could I forget?

Project Runway: Two words: Sheer Genius. *Spoiler Alert!* ALL FOUR DESIGNERS are going to Fashion Week! Even though I kinda knew what was coming up (having painstakingly perused their slower-than molasses website and looked at the picture gallery), it was still great to see how this episode unfolded. They are all disparate designers and personalities, yet you can tell that they're a closeknit group. And when Tim Gunn confessed he had been on pins and needles the entire day, dreading having to send the unlucky 4th designer home, I almost cried.

Everyone struggled with trying to wow the judges, represent their design ethic AND do it with absolutely no parameters, no guidelines. Harder than you think. Here's Tim's blog:

The designers are instructed to choose three words that describe who they are as designers. Their outfit must convey these words. They are also asked to think narratively; that is, to communicate a story. In addition, this design should provide a window on their collection for Olympus Fashion Week -- a tall order, indeed. Later, they learn that the winner of this challenge will have their design photographed by Giles Bensimon and featured in First Look. Thrilling!

I have to give Uli props�she got stuck doing the same old-same old, the ulitmate no-no (we're talking wild prints, flow-y fabrics, very Miami). But she tore EVERYTHING down to zilch and started over with only 5 hours to execute. Talk about pressure!

Can someone PUHleeze tell Laura that we really don't need or want to see concave chests�neither hers nor her model's�exposed on national television? Its hard to imagine anyone more concave than I but she keeps highlighting it each and every week. No mas, por favor! Looks like others feel the same way; from the Comments section of Tim's blog, Miss-Metalmouth:

First off, I really think Laura should have gone, simply because the dress she made looks exactly like that one white, sparkly, plunging neckline dress she has that frightens me to no end with the prospect of a boob-shot. It's tailored well, yeah, it's pretty, yeah... blahblahblah. But it looks exactly like Laura's own dress. I think its pretty shocking that the judges didn't notice that...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! I thought the exact same thing about the white dress�oh pleasegawd, don't let the cameras catch Laura bending over...I think America would demand the return of Janet Jackson's nipple shield if that happened.

Can someone at Bravo TV please-please-please buy a faster server? Banana slugs zip in comparison. I think you guys can afford it...and gawdknows hard disks cost next to nothing now. You're making me CRAZY!

In spite of these quibbles, Project Runway is truly The Best.

BTW, starting anew on the Reduce Television Watching program. Thankgawd PR is ending soon. Don't really have to see the myriad of CSIs, Law&Orders, etc., etc. Not really. That leaves What Not to Wear. GlamGirl apparently nominated me as a fashion victim but I don't think she made it dire enough. Don't hold back�tell it like it is! I WANT the $5000 shopping spree and to be publically skewered by Stacy and Clinton...this would be an absolute dream come true! Seriously!

Announcing a New Feature!

After due consideration (and considering she will never get off her keister and have her own Xanga), I have decided to introduce Ms_Lellis as the Cyber Bacon Goddess. Well, perhaps we should have a contest to come up with a different monniker (this one was hers, not mine). I was going to attempt a French translation but given that she's concerned the title might make her butt sound big, the term "lardon" was not appropriate. Will ponder. In the meantime, I'm going to be strewing (strowing...strawing...why do words look odder and odder the more you stare at them?) the pearls of widsom gleaned from Her Majesty, the Kitchen Queen.

Citrus Juicers

Capture every flavorful drop from a succulent lime, lemon or orange with these efficient and durable die cast aluminum squeezers. They turn citrus halves inside out, pressing out pure juice and leaving behind seeds and pulp. The baked-on finish does not rust or react. All tools are 8" long. Dishwasher safe.

These are the best things since frozen bacon! You can effortlessly squish the crap outta the citrus half of your choice�and oh so cleverly color-coded for the Kitchen Moron (which is moi-self). And thanks to patticass, I have been introduced to the sublimeness of Key limes (no pun like Key Sublimeness intended�really)....those little suckers pack a punch o' flavor!

And yes, in case you're wondering, I AM avoiding the accounting which I didn't finish this weekend. Well, off to the salt mines...

September 30, 2006

Quick—what are you thinking right now?
- Diet Cherry Coke....drink of the gods. Someone FINALLY got it right and realized we'd pay good money for a can full o' chemicals but only if it tastes like cherry as in snowcone and NOT medicine. Thanks greel08 and catigerz for getting me started on my ~~new~~ latest addiction!

- Boo to Raley's who had a killer sale on Cokes—ALL Cokes—and the frackin' scrubs RAN OUT OF DIET CHERRY COKE ONLY. Yes siree, there were at least 6 different types of Coke running rampant in the aisles...towering end-caps..sly little piles peeking out from between baked goods...even a bundle or 2 in Automotive (I did indeed scour Automotive as well as the Laxatives aisle (aside: this is how you know when the demographics of a store are the 60+ crowd), all for naught). Ran around the entire store multiple times like the proverbial headless chicken only to find not one 6-pack, not one dented reject not even a tab from a long-gone can of Diet Cherry Coke. ARGGGGHHH.

- The Fall weather has been so spectacular up to now, you knew it couldn't last. Still, I love-love-love the cloudy days...the nostalgia that is evoked by the crispness of the air, the smells of falling leaves, the colors of pumpkin/beet/golden moon. Its during this time of year that I think of Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked This Way Comes. If you haven't, READ IT. Do not watch the movie and fer goshsakes, don't get the audiobook (if there is one). And if you read the Wikipedia entry OR the Cliff Notes to save time, I'm gonna have to come over there and smack you.

- Agreed, gojeannie. About frackin' time that BSG is revving up! My one fear at the end of last season (*spoiler alert*) was that it was the formulaic (you know: when the screenwriters run out of sufficiently awesome storylines) someone's nightmare and they'd wake up to find the planet colonization never happened. Shore don't look like that from the promos! How could I ever doubt them after the Pegasus/Admiral Caine episodes???

- Ultraviolet. Hmmmmmm. Visually intriguing, especially Milla Jojo...Jovo...Jolo..you know: LeeLoo. That chick has the most amazing athleticism and kick-ass body. Period. End of story. Speaking of story, wasn't much of one. And if I was Nick Chinlund (Vicecardinum Ferdinand Daxus), I would've ripped those screens right outta my nostrils. How can such a fine actor (Donnie Pfaster in The X-Files, Toombs in The Chronicles of Riddick) (yes, I know: cinematic achievements) be subjected to nose strainers?

- Have you ever heard of Gun Kata before? Me, neither (well, maybe badey has). You gotta LOVE Wikipedia for its Ultraviolet write-up...would've never known about the Fictional technologies and concepts of said movie. These include: (the aforementioned) Gun Kata, hemophagia, dimensional compression (flat space technology), gravity levelling and printed phones. Next we're gonna see Ultraviolet as a course at the University of Washington at Seattle. You know: the place that offered a course on The Matrix.

- Peet's coffee. The next elixir of the gods. I spit on Starbucks. Sorry, 4Bux. The only reason I go to the one around the corner from work is sheer, unadulterated laziness. In order to get a decent cuppa joe, I have to order a Caffe Americano plus a shot or two of espresso. Yes, that's right: the equivalent of 2-3 shots of THEIR espresso to make a sub-standard jus de chaussette. Anyways, if you ever get a chance, treat yourself to the Real Deal. On the other hand, once you have that first sip, you will realize how shallow, how pale, how lacking is 4Bux so unless you can regularly get a fix, perhaps you shouldn't torment yourself. Never mind. Forget I even mentioned Peet's.

- BTW, its all about the dark roast coffees: French or Italian Roast are Da Bombs.

- I remember laughing at the ridiculous segment of coffee-ordering in Hell-ay that was sublimely showcased in "L.A. Story" (Steve Martin). Karma: now I'm living it pretty much every time I go to 4Bux with GlamGirl. Sometimes its a chai tea latte with soy; other times, its a Misto (pronounced "meesto") or a dry (yes, DRY) soy latte. Wot the frack. If I'm picking up a coffee for her, I make her write it down. Her only savings grace is she doesn't add one of those fou-fou drink flavors. At that point, I have to wonder what's the difference between a wet hazelnut cappucino and melted Dreyer's praline ice cream. Seriously.

- Wow, so who knew about Dreyer's ice cream? From Wikipedia:

The company was founded in 1928 by William Dreyer and Joseph Edy in Oakland, California. Its shares were publicly traded on NASDAQ under the ticker symbol DRYR. In June 2002, Nestlé acquired 67% of Dreyer's. In January 2006, it took full ownership of the company, thus becoming the world's biggest ice cream maker, with a 17.5% market share.

- BTW, Dreyer's used to make a Grand Light Ice Cream which might not have interested you ice cream aficianados because of the reduced milk fat percentage. HOWEVER, when one took Grand Light Chocolate Chip and poured diet IBC root beer over it, the ultimate RBF resulted: the ingredients would continuously form ice crystals all the way down the glass.....ahhhhhh.

- Dreyer's has quite the site! There's a Flavor Finder so you can find the closest dealer (as in drugs) based on flavor of choice. You can even meet Da Man, John Harrison, Dreyer's Official Ice Cream Taster. In a way, you have to feel sorry for the poor schmuck—its one thing to savor ice cream because you love it and you only eat it once or twice a night; its another thing altogether to have to continuously spoon it into one's mouth because ITS A JOB.

Note the manic look in his eyes. He's obviously being goaded to smile by a taser off-camera. Instead of the Official Fan Site, perhaps we should start up the Save John Harrison page... Wonder if he feels like an Oompa-Loompa?

- Okay, so when I make a pot o' coffee, the formula is (n)+1, n = cup/pot. This is a tried and true formula that Himself and I painstakingly researched. Now I find the formula is entirely different for a press pot. I couldn't figure out what it was I didn't like about that style of coffee—turns out one needs 5 spoons for one cup. No lie. One does have to wonder, though, if that formula is somehow responsible for the fact that I'm doing accounting, gardening and Xanga-ing at the same time.

Must ponder with another cup of coffee.
- 3:34 pm
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September 18, 2006

Inspiring Yet Sucktacular
This Saturday was the 22nd Annual Coastal Cleanup Day. Although there are cleanups in every state and 80 countries worldwide, California was the originator of the concept so We Be Da Bomb. Himself and I have participated in this event but not this year�color us spuds. Here's lowdown:
560,451 pounds of trash collected*
36,093 volunteers*
2,100 miles of shoreline patrolled
750 individual sites cleared
45 counties in California participated.
Found: 1 toy singing gorilla wearing a sequined dress
* Preliminary figures, based on reports from 70 percent of California's cleanup sites. They actually expect the tallies to hit roughly 50,000 volunteers and 800,000 pounds of garbage.

Thus, the Inspiring yet Sucktacular appellation...and mark this: cigarette butts were by far the most common item picked up. As much as 40 percent (that's FORTY PERCENT, folks) of the trash collected was cigarette butts, a figure many volunteers found staggering. So when you think that cigarette butts are "biodegradeable," think again.
- 1:43 am
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September 17, 2006

Trois Remarques
Un: HGTV's Design Star - HO HUM. Even the whining, conniving, bitchy machinations of the competing designers couldn't elevate this Reality TV above being an irritating snooze-fest. Granted, I could only wade my way through 1.5 episodes (#2 and the next-to-last) (the finale was so nauseating that I just went to the website and looked up who won) so this isn't a truly informed opinion but it was SO not Project Runway caliber.
- Lack of Notable Judges: Vern Yip? Yern Vip? Cynthia Rowley? What's-'er-face? It looks like it was impossible to pique the interest of world-class designers...but who are they anyways? I don't think Joe Public could name even one. <snore>
- Lack of Notable Host: Clive Pearse...WHO? Heidi Klum...Supermodel. Even as its-all-about-me as Heidi gets, she still has presence, looks fantabulous and has what appears to be thoughtful comments. I just kept seeing ads for Clive's other show which is SO self-serving. Dammee, sir, and for shame! <zzzzzzzzz>
- Lack of Notable Designers: meaning not famous but ones that had talent, innovation, guts and vision. I watched episode.......2? and already spotted David and Alice as the contenders. <yawn>
- Lack of a Mentor: Tim Gunn. Awesome. 'Nuff said.
- BORING Set and Workspace. If there was ever a bigger transgression for an interior design show, I don't know what it could possibly be. HO HUM REDUX.
All in all, a pedestrian effort by a cable channel that's truly formulaic. HGTV is Bravo-NOT.

David: he kept things lively by taking off his shirt. A lot. Gay or not, eye candy is never a bad thing.

Alice: a charming Southern belle�adorable accent and perky to boot. You almost want to slap her.

Deux: Speaking of Project Runway, they REALLY came up with a good twist last week for the Black&White Challenge! *Spoiler Alert!* With the return of Vincent and Angela�either of whom had to win in order to stay�the kid gloves came off the other contestants who KNEW these guys didn't deserve a second chance. However, both of them SO bombed on their own accord that they barely caused a ripple.

Laura: she wanted Josephine Baker but its more cute than sophisticated�it does have nice crystal bead detailing, though.

Michael: to me, this is couturier-level design and the execution is magnifique (the belt detail is amazing) plus the look is head-to-toe (you can't see the earrings).

My guess: Michael, Uli and Jeffrey. I find Laura's designs to be like architecture (her background)�too tailored, structured, lacking in humanistic qualities�and her cocktail dress winner? It looks suspiciously similar to a dress she WORE the previous week. Michael pushes the envelope in a classy way and usually has a total vision; Uli has a fantastic way with fabrics and prints (she should've won a couple of the challenges); and Jeffrey, the requisite bad ass who people apparently hate even more than Santino (PR2), is NEVER boring but can be over-the-top and often street.

Trois: here's a Culinary Tip from Ms_Lellis which is so visionary as to be genius level. You want bacon for either your breakfast or BLT but what a pain it is to cook a few strips here, a few strips there at a time (well, okay, maybe more than just a few strips). Cook the entire package in one swell foop and then FREEZE the strips for future use. They stay crisp and defrost almost immediately upon exiting the freezer. Sublime!

Mmmmmmmm...bacon. Wait a sec�these are bandaids! These are of the Gremlins ilk; remember the hero's dad who was the wacky inventor? Pelzer-something-or-other orange juicer or soft-boiled egg tapper... Wonder what the Free Toy Inside! could possibly be? Something tells me we should be afraid...very afraid.

A bient�t, mes amis!
- 4:36 pm
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September 16, 2006

<gasp!> Two entries in one month�the sky IS falling!

Whassup? (in no particular order)
1) Stepped outside the office one evening to fud the work cats. A new black and white kitty was waiting right beside the door. Wait a sec...kitties don't have plume-y tails...they don't have pointy pinheads...they aren't shaped like ottomans with a handle...they don't�hold on...its a SKUNK! Back yourself into the doorway...slowly...carefully...no sudden moves...no tripping like usual...gently close the door. NOW RUN LIKE HELL!

2) Our GlamGirl has been bitten by the stage bug. She was gutsy enough to sign up for a salsa dance exhibition even though she's but a beginner�was terrified of performing in front of a paying audience, worked her ass off practicing, loved every minute of their performance and now the sky's the limit. She was still reveling in the after-show glow and recounted which dance lessons she's now signing up for: ballet, tango and flamingo. Yes, that would be

GlamGirl is truly not disingenuous enough to be referring to flamingo as in, perhaps, a Vegas showgirl at the Flamingo Hotel. She really thinks its "flamingo dancing". Seriously.

3) Huge fuster-cluck at work. Salesperson-derived. 'Nuff said except to say if That Biotch ever escalates a non-issue again, she WILL have to deal with the Real Me. SHE REALLY REALLY REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO DO THAT (ask catigerz).

4) Succumbed to an infomercial which is the price one pays if one is watching TV at 3am. No, it wasn't ProActiv. Already bought that. I'll tell you about it if I ever open the brown cardboard box and view the contents. Oh yeah, and actually use said contents.

5) Going to Dallas for business in Oct. I know, I know�if I had my druthers, I'd be going to the East Coast or even Chicago. I'd even prefer Houston so I could pop in to Chloe Dao's (of Project Runway fame) boutique, Lot 8. At any rate, it should be veddy interesting to fly post-Terrorist Airline Scare. NOT.

6) Due to weight concerns (as in over-), have turned to dishware instead of clothes as a shopping solace. Yes, I realize its hard to wear plates. Kidding. Found 2 of the Gien patterns I've been lusting over since my first trip to France. Of COURSE they're both discontinued so paid handsomely for the different pieces. If they're ever broken (ahem, Himself), you will be hearing about it for the rest of your natural (but shortened) life. Here they be:

Feuillage (Would love to hear people pronounce this one)

Le Houx (Oh wait, this one's even fun-ner to pronounce! I think TJ and Ms_Lellis could handle, though...)

7) Autumn is here�yay! Love-love-love the crisp mornings and evenings with the warm days...

8) Following our United Animal Nation workshop, GlamGirl and I thought it would be good to hold a mini-class on our own�after all, most everyone we know has pets (some more than others). We would show a representative first-aid kit so people could know how to equip their car. We might possibly demo the technique for muzzling a dog and/or pet CPR.

There were, however, 3 reasons the event didn't pan out as planned: 1) it was held on the Friday of Labor Day weekend so lots o' people were gone, 2) we didn't get our asses in gear to buy any of the equipment and, perhaps the most crucial point of all, 3) cats make lousy Emergency Animal Rescue volunteers. Seriously. So instead, and I know this will come as quite the shock to you, we ended up just eating and drinking way too much.

9) Speaking of eating/drinking: we went to the Joy of Sake event in The City. O wot fun! 250�count 'em, TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY�different sakes, a goodly portion of which are not sold outside of Japan. To complement the sakes (and ensure there weren't an overabundance of DUIs hitting the streets afterwards), several top-notch restaurants participated with yummy eats. There were practically vats o' poke (spicy raw tuna), dee-vine BBQ (which GlamGirl reported practically melted in one's mouth) and other delectables which Shail couldn't sample. Oh noooooooooo; he chose organic vegetarian fare and OMG, how can you make rice purple-colored but tasteless???

10) patticass: tell me this doesn't slightly resemble Bryan...a heavier Bryan, of course, but isn't it uncanny?

11) I've been meaning to vent on something that has already faded into obscurity so perhaps revenge IS a dish best served cold. The moment I heard who was cast as Robert Langdon of The Da Vinci Code fame, I took my specially-illustrated copy of the book (CostCo special, natch), threw it on the ground and jumped up and down on it in digust. Cool, handsome, athletic professor who plays water polo with his students....HELLO?!?? Ron Howard should be flogged for picking Tom Hanks. From Rotten Tomatoes:

"The most controversial thriller of the year turns out to be about as exciting as watching your parents play Sudoku."
-- Ann Hornaday, WASHINGTON POST

"Here's the gospel on The Da Vinci Code: It's a total snore."
-- Tom Long, DETROIT NEWS

"In a marketplace rife with guides for idiots, dummies and the rest of us, this movie stands as the novel's priciest CliffsNotes."
-- Lisa Kennedy, DENVER POST

12) Major props to patticass for her new job at Origins, coming in not as a saleperson but a Keyholder! Anyone else think that sounds like something from "Ghostbusters"? (as in, Gozer the Gozerian? ("if someone asks if you're a god, you say YES!")). But I digress. Congrats on your new position and we KNOW you're going to wipe the floor with Bare Escentuals...literally and figuratively speaking.

Otherwise, its been work-work-work but the quarter is zooming to a close and you know what THAT means: no more Xanga entries this month. Well, unless I get into Avoidance Mode (as in work) in which case I'll be yammering about something or other.

Later!